i saw he put his nick as v.day? means.. sometimes i wish i knew what's on your mind. things would be much easier. i no longer bother what had happened in the past. that's history. sometimes knowing more will only add to one's worries. i give up. i chose not to know anything. the truth might hurt me. why not lead a happy life.

i lost her. i don't need her as my friend. i tolerate you very long alrd. so be it okay.

BYE friend.

i wanna live the rest of my life with you.

i miss you eh.

as i thought things gets better. but i'm wrong. fuckin wrong. things are getting worst instead. hais. im so fuckin upset can. i don't know what's on your mind. sometimes i wish i know. i think we better stop all this. this not gonna help. hais. big fuck to my problem man. i felt like a loser now. does anyone understands me? no. not even my friends or family. i guess i gonna disappear for the time being. i hate it when you lie to me. i swear whatever i said i'm true to you. but why do u have to be like that to me?

as usual i can't sleep. INSOMNIA is the big killer to me now. i don't feel tired eh. LOL. i'm like an owl now. my eyes is sooooo painful. i don't know why. sighh. i just feel like digging out my eyes.

i just want to say I'M SORRY. perhaps i'm at fault too. but i guess you're wrong too. i don't blame you for saying all this but can we just forget about everything. and be like last time. URGH. i really don't know what to do. i hate myself. ):

I feeling stucked up this few weeks. things doesn't seem to go my way.

istillcare.

willyoubethereifineedyourhugagain.

it's 5 am now. and i can't sleep. as usual. well. firstly happy new year to everyone out there. goodbye 2006. it was a bad year for me. i wish everything will be fine this year. which is 2007 piggy year. life have to go on even though things happened. sigh. i was so upset. went maxie's place yesterday for a drink. i drank a lot. and so drunk. dead drunk. till my head is spinning. lol. at first when she's on the phone. i wasn't that drunk. but feeling headaches. lol. we were so funny can. hahah. love her lots la. but well. something in my heart is troubling me. i wanted to say it out. but i can't. am i always that bad? why do people hate me. i wish things didn't happened. i hope everything will be over soon. yeah it's pretty soon. to me you're perfect. i hope things will turn out for us. i alrd be the best i could be. i didn't change myself because of you. i hope you know how i feel about you. i'm not forcing you. just let nature take its course okay. like i said i was dead drunk yesterday. and while i was drinking. i had a good cry. i know i was crying but i don't know when i started crying. can't really remember what had happened last night. haha. just know that im dead drunk and i cried? hmm.. my conscience is clear. whether you believe me or not. it's up to you. i have nothing to lie. hope things will be cleared one day.

i seriously hope that everything will be over soon. and we can get to eat mg again. :)

went to meet up with my darling maxie yesterday at coffee beans. saw him and cs talking. so i went to the toilet first. if not i interrupt la i paiseh. haha. after that headed to heeren and get my slippers. finally.. suppose to get her gift. but.. hmmm guess next week. i'm kinda tired now. i didn't sleep since last night. i felt so scared. i cried.. i wish you were there for me. went to clarke quay mac and ate fries. at the same time wait for imran and sz to come. i feel awkward when i see him. cuz of something.. and i don't have the face to see him. i felt sad this two days. i know it was dumb. but.. sighh. when he came in i didn't even dare to look into his eyes. i was feeling really scared.. rahhh! we didn't talk much. even if i wanna talk to him i also message him. well, it sounds really dumb right? :( on the way to the bar, heard someone calling imran's name. so yeahh indeed his friend lo. haha. he's funny eh. a lot of rubbish. haha. nice guy cause he offers us to take the boat ride with him and his gf. i was funny taking the boat ride. hehe. the last time i take, when i was young? after so long.. so we took lots of photos.. really fun.. hehe. :)

what has happened last night alrd happened. people forget about it alright.

:)

back to blog again. well, things didn't go smoothly for me. after some stupid incident. sigh. hope after all it didn't spoil our friendship, people don't trust me but you must trust me. i was upset you didn't trust me in the beginning. you maligned me. i was upset till i cried. i didn't know what to do. but i wanna thank you for allowing me to explain myself if not, we won't be talking to each other now.

alright what has happened alrd happened. i can't be bothered to think so much. i love myself and people love me. so either you take me or leave me. i won't bite if you don't offend me.

suppose to have dinner yesterday but so many people last mins cannot go. then cancelled. because of this dinner my bitch is angry with me. sighh. my fault again. cause i couldn't make up my mind. well, i'm always indecisive. hope i will change then.

i have been so broke this week. i don't know what i spend on too. got to save money for my bill and my two best friend's christimas gift. like i said it's my best friend, so it doesn't matter how much i spend. i hope to have a great x'mas this year.

i've three wishes for myself.

santa santa please grant this three wishes for me.

firstly.. get good grades for O's

secondly.. everyone is happy and stay healthy.

thirdly.. for me to know, for you to find out.

i'm not a good doctor who can prescribe the best medicine.

i'm not a good lawyer who can help you to win that case.

i'm not a good driver who can drive you around.

i'm not a good actor who can make you laugh.

but above all this, i'm your best friend who can walk the thousand mile with you. :)

went mos last fri. had LOTS of fun. i met three friends too. LOL. suzhen yvonne and gary. hmmm. lots of thing happened that night. so yeah.. roughly type out some but not all. in the beginning, i met x and vin. was happily queuing. but you know what, vin forgot about his ic! so angry! LOL. how can you go club without your ic with you. smack him ah. then we were like.. HOW HUH HOW HUH!? LOL. i decided to ask imran for help. but x said cannot cause they look a world of diff. LOL. then no chioce he got to leave us and head home. i feeling so dumb la. LOL. perhaps next time then. so x followed maxie and i. cause his friends have yet to arrive. so we called joeyee and he brought us to meet the rest. alright saw him. of course i was feeling happy. after so long. the last met was supper. then finally i can see him. but at around 4 plus she started with other guys. i can't be bothered la. but she makes me think that she's such a despo. whatever. around 2 plus i was dancing with xxxxx. but he said lets go out for some fresh air. den okay loh. we went to liang court there sat down and we talked.. was feeling happy too. lol. then went back to club at around three plus. then club club club.. till close we went to west coast for prata. den xxxxx sent me home haha.. WEEE!

went to xxxxx's place on sat night. after had my family dinner at amk. my family dinner gathering is so fun. added new people. my new maid and baby aska. and my sister's jap friend. he looks shy, but he still look very gentleman to me. haha. i remember the last outing at there. baby aska is still in my sister's stomach. lol. and now seeing him growing day by day. i also feeling happy for him. hehe. he's sucha cutie la. at around 828pm. i received this message from him. i was happy cause he seldom message me when he's just awake. hehe. i don't know la. but happy lo. he said he just woke up SIA. hahah. slept for 4... how about you? hehe. at least he still ask about me. den slowly from there we started messaging each other. i was giggling when i saw what he type to me. then when i'm inside the car. he said thought of asking you out. of course i didn't want to reject. LOL. it's fun. HOHOHO. i miss him a lot la. and the meeeeee LOL. he pick me up at 115am. when we reached home, saw his cat downstair LOL. ok i'm lazy to blog about there. he sent me home in the late noon. lol. i was soooooo tired on that two freaking days. not enough sleep.. sighh.. we've been chatting a lot after that day. i'm just wondering la. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..

oh my gosh! i didn't blog for this fucking 2 months alrd. even the layout is so UGLY! LOL. aiya what to do. i very busy with school. everyday exams exams exams. driving me insane. can die siak. hahaha. it's been so long i touch this site. LOL. Wooo. and now am freaking back. so people don't complain alrd ok. i don't know if i will update long or not. but just update whatever i remember. hahah. life has been good for me i guess. everyday study till i go crazy. shopping with my girlfriends. went clubbing. makan supper with hunks. eat till i put on so much weight. i look like a fucking pig now. angry siak. LOL. O's is still on now. but i think i screwed up the whole exams. died siak. yesterday brother asked me, so how? left with how many paper? i said two. and he replied AISEHH.. TWO ONLY SIAK?! can get good results or not. then i laughed. i don't know why but it's funny la. but he sounds rather sarcastic to me. but don't care la. oh yeah. sabri message me that day. we have been chatting happily for a period of time then he disappeared. like wtf right? LOL. he's useless. takde bulu. takde duit. NOTHING!? simply nothing. i don't know why last time i will fall for this idiot. LOL. so DUMBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB of me la. recently i like this malay boy called xxxxx. but i'm not sure did i leave a good impression to him. he's cute la. the way he talks and the way he scolds vulgurities. you'll feel like laughing sia. i felt so happy each time i talk to him. LOL. but now i guess i don't stand the chance. as he always say FRIENDS ARE FOREVER. so i guessssss i know what u mean. O's is ending soon. i have so many fuckin shits to do. hahah. like...  TANNING. MAKAN. CLUBBING. MANICURE. PEDICURE. HANGING OUT. CAR LICENCE IS ON MY WAY. WORKING. NIGHT CYCLING. MOVIE MARATHON. FACIAL. SLIMMING DOWN. SUPPER!!!!!!!! LOL. i like one idiot siak. LOL. want to slim down still eat supper. LOL. whatever la. but have to maintain that weight la. JIAYOU MAKCIK SHEILE!

WEEE!

hais i hope i will do well for O's siak. so scary i want to die ah hahah. seriously hope i will do well. if not i will open the window and jump down sia. AHHH.

hope life after O's will be different. hope everything will turn good.

OH YEAH.

i went to topshop event last last last last last week, i can't remember when alrd. hahaha. bought two top. NICEEEEEEEEE! heheh. i suppose to pay hundred over bucks but i only paid 60 bucks LOL. like i have said topshop event ma. LOL.

have to wake up early to get this priviledge. cool?! WAHAHA.

alright i will end here. hope i won't be lazy and start changing my UGLY LAYOUT and the photos. LOL.

MONEY MONEY PLEASE DROP FROM THE SKY! ;D